“Don’t save her, she don’t want to be saved”

One of the biggest lessons I learned in 2015, is the realization that most people don’t want to be saved.  They cry out in pain, lay in agony, and even with a hand gesture, letting them know that you’re here for them, they will refuse, the help.  While other people, live a life of constant drama with no real solution and even when you’re that positive being, wanting to show them that things can get better, they seem to enjoy the chaos.  They don’t want to be saved, and I had to learn, to let go.

The hardest thing for me to do, is not care for someone, especially if they are a family member or friend.  Despite what I’m going through in life, I always seem to make room for others.  I want to see everyone succeed.  But reality kicked me in the ass, making me realize that no matter how much you try, some people feel like they can do it all on their own.  Meanwhile, they are unaware that through their pride, they have managed to push people, away.  I remember going through my mental breakdown last year, and reaching out to my best friend, because I knew that despite my thoughts of suicide, I wanted to live.  I asked for help, and she was more than willing to give it to me.  There is no room for pride, when we are hurting, struggling, trying desperately to move forward, and can’t.  It’s so easy to live in freedom, if only we realize that we can’t do it alone.

Realizing that I wasted so much of my time, this year, trying to be there for people, who either didn’t want to be helped, or didn’t appreciate the help I gave them, took time away from my own goals.  The moment I began to invest more time into my own life and not the lives of people, who didn’t want to be saved, I got a lot more work done.  Separating myself from those that want to constantly, indulge in a drama filled lifestyle, is something I want no part of.  I began to take myself away.  I realize that we all have to be a little selfish, to get ahead in life.  There are people that want to constantly, keep you on their level.  They don’t want to see you moving forward. Recognize the people and the habits that they exhibit and begin to ask yourself, if this is helping, or hurting me, in the long run.  I wasted too many years on people, who honestly, didn’t deserve my help.  Recognizing that, fueled me to spend more time with myself, and less time, being distracted, from what was truly important.  Those that don’t want to be helped, allow them to continue living the life that they are living.  If at a certain point, they do reach out, wanting to be helped, be of assistance to them, but always remember to make room, for yourself, first.



“An attitude of gratitude, opens the portals to a richer, more abundant life”

Last week, seemed to be a non stop flow of financial worries, disappointments, and unnecessary quarrels.  Everything came all at once, or I magnified something that’s resolvable, to something that seemed to be a reoccurrence.  I began to get these intense migraine headaches.  Taking painkillers to ease the pain and help to fall asleep.  I decided at that time, to continue to read anything positive, to give me hope, in the midst of the cloudy days.  Last night, as I laid in bed, reading The Motivation Manifesto (I know I’m still reading it), I came across the chapter on “The Path of Gratitude”.  It’s not like I haven’t read testimonials on how showing gratitude, even in the midst of troubled times, can bring about joy, but I’ve never really, truly, practiced it.  In the darkness of my room, with only the reading light, to shine on the pages of the book and the pounding of the rain falling, outside my window, I began to dig deep down inside, to find anything that I was thankful for.  I referenced all of my gratitude to things that occurred, last week.

I’m thankful for this alone time, to be able to read this book

I’m thankful for this quiet time, to be able to hear the voice within

I’m thankful for my mom who gave me money, when my account was overdrawn

I’m thankful for my friend Marie, who is a constant reminder of what a friendship, truly is

I’m thankful for Marie, for getting me out the house, and paying for my lunch, when I didn’t have the money to buy my own

I’m thankful for life, because I am blessed to be alive

I’m thankful for these days of struggle, to appreciate the better days, when they come

I’m thankful for the guy in my life, who messages me good morning when he wakes up, and good night, before he goes to bed

I’m thankful for the gift of knowledge, that allows me to read, learn, and stay informed

I’m thankful for the gift of drive, that allows me to go after anything, I put my mind to

I’m thankful to Oniyah’s father, for opening up doors of opportunity for me

I’m thankful that he and I can argue and talk to one another, less than 24 hours later

I’m thankful for my daughter, who comes to me and gives me a hug, and reminds me of what unconditional love, truly is

I became so overwhelmed with emotion.  Quickly, any pain I felt, went away, allowing the flow of love and appreciation, to bring itself in.  I began to cry and couldn’t stop.  The feeling kept me awake till the early morning hours.  It’s unlike any feeling I’ve felt in a while.  It truly showed me how blessed I am.  It made me realize that when you move into a direction, of finding your personal freedom, the universe, truly does work in your favor.  Your vision becomes clearer, hurdles seem to be less strenuous, negative people disappear, making room for genuine individuals.  I now understand the power of gratitude and how it can transform an individual into truly being appreciative of the blessings, no matter how small, it may be.



“Our destiny hinges on a mindset for bold action.”

2015, had only just begun, and yet, I already felt like I needed something more, in my life.  I hated my  job.  My supervisor, made my life, very difficult.  He was an expert in using scare tactics, to keep me, constantly in fear.  Every night, I would say a prayer before I walked into the workplace, hoping that tonight wouldn’t be worst than the night before.  During my shift, I would purposely stay out of his way, to avoid having any unnecessary confrontation with him.  He would schedule me to work, almost every weekend, deny most of my vacation request, and if for some reason, he accepted it, he would make me pay for it, when I returned.  When I requested to go on my annual vacation to Trinidad, for carnival, and was denied, I knew that I could no longer allow my life to be controlled by an insecure and mentally and physically, abusive man.  Without a back up plan and barely a cent in my banking account, I put in my 2 weeks noticed, and finally decided to take control, of my life.

A month after leaving my job, I had all the time to concentrate on my business.  Brass & Sassy doesn’t bring in a steady income, but what it does bring is fulfillment, purpose and most importantly, passion.  I was so unhappy with the direction, in which my life choices were leading me, that I moved into radical action.  “But a certain degree of insanity and recklessness is necessary to advance or innovate anything, to make any new remarkable or meaningful contributions.”  Now while I don’t recommend everyone, in my position, to quit a job without some financial backing and employment, in the waiting, I will say that  it takes desperation and a willingness to succeed, by any means necessary.  When I quit my job, I knew that I would invest my life into making my business a success.  Along the way, I have made major moves, and also mistakes.  I’ve ventured onto other endeavors, while still maintaining the hunger to succeed.  Am I financially, better off, then I was, prior to me leaving my job, no, but what I am is truly happy and in control of my life and the decisions, that I make.

Some of the greatest people of our time, didn’t get to where they are, now, but following the rules.  By playing it safe and smart.  Many had to starve, sleep in their car, sell their personal belongings to pay the rent, all for the sake of pursuing their passion.  Could I have stuck it out and allowed myself to deal with my work environment and think of the positive aspects, that I encountered, while being there?  Yes, but I didn’t want to.  I already wasted valuable years, persuading myself, that things will get better.  When I knew that I couldn’t wait, till it did, I took whatever, inner strength, I had within me, and moved into radical action.  I heard the naysayers, who tried to fill my head with doubt and fear, but being the person that I am, I allowed myself to make my own choices.  I still stand behind my choice, though there are days when I have no money and my account is overdrawn.  There are days  when I have to borrow money from my parents and my daughters father.  There are days when I can’t afford to go out with my friends.  It’s the risk you take, to pursue your passion.  I’ve become patient, with the process of it all.  I’m not intimidated, by my bank account, or the fact that I have to budget my life.  I know that the day will come, when the hard work, will eventually pay off and the sacrifice, will be worth the pain.



“I don’t think about art when I’m working, I try to think about life.”

I think about you ever so often, wondering what your life would of been like, if you were still here.  Would you still be an artist, or maybe a writer?  Your thinking was too advance, to ever be put into a corner.  I draw inspiration from your work, your unique style, choice of music, and your thinking, capabilities.  What I love most about you, is your unspoken truth.  Your ability to define who you were, on your own terms.  You crawled before you were able to run.  Knew from the beginning, what you were destined to be, and didn’t allow anyone to make you do, differently.  You’ve opened up so many doors, and through your journey, you never forgot your humble beginnings.  You weren’t silent, through the injustices of our people and you displayed that through your unconventional locs, interviews and your artwork.  I always wonder why the best, die young.  I almost wish someone had saved you, but they turned their backs, instead.  Forgotten about the human being, and labeled you a victim of your own fame.

I wish you were here to see how times have changed.  Passion has been replaced by greed.  Talent has been replaced by popularity.  The struggle has been replaced by the overnight success.  Your work have been plagiarized to the point where you’ve been replaced, by them.  Copyright, doesn’t allow you to take the passion with you, and so I see a lot of blank canvases, with no real emotion in them.  Words with no meaning.  Color with no vibrancy, behind it.

I met you at the lowest time in my life.  Feeling worthless and uninspired.  Your life and the journey, in which you pursued, inspired me to do the unthinkable.  You inspired me to be brave in my work.  To be outspoken in my beliefs.  To be true to my character.  You inspired me to be greater than I ever thought possible, because that is who you were.

Long live SAMO



“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
― Rita Mae Brown

On Wednesday’s, be sure to check out numerous postings, on your timeline, featuring #wcw, better known as Women Crush Wednesdays.  I have to admit, that I have posted my own share of #wcw postings, on my instagram, but found myself wondering why we as women, are so eager to crush on another, when so many of us, don’t even have a crush on ourselves?  Social media, has enabled us to invest hours out of our day, admiring and obsessing over friends, strangers and celebrities, but how much are we investing into our own lives?  

Within, 5 minutes of browsing, our timeline, the layers of confidence that we possessed, prior to logging on, have now been stripped away.  Confidence is replaced by feelings of unworthiness and comparison.  When I found myself, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, cause the next chick on my timeline is on a private yacht, on some caribbean island, while I’m stuck home, wondering when my next vacation is going to be, I knew it was time to take an escape, from it all.  Let’s face it, beauty (according to some) is based on followers, likes, and not to mention, money.  The amount of time that women take to get the “perfect” selfie, can be as long as 30 minutes.  Everyone is happy on Instagram.  Sadness doesn’t exist, and money is never at a low.  The perfect body is achieved by a South American plastic surgeon, and a waist trainer.  Everyone drinks slim tea in the morning, film themselves in their Benz and BMW, lip-synching to their favorite trap tune.

It’s an illusion!  And though many of us know that people are faking the funk, we still find ourselves becoming fooled by their lies.  There is nothing wrong in admiring another woman, and to acknowledge her beauty.  We need more unity, amongst women, especially in a time, when we are being taught to compete and hate, one another, but the best relationship and love we should first have, is the one with ourselves.  Through many forms of reading and consuming my time, in motivational material, I realize how important is it to spend time with ourselves.  During some of my alone time, I’m beginning to analyze myself, and magnifying things about myself that I admire and the things that I wish to change.  It isn’t easy to do so, it’s like writing a memoir on your own life.  When I begin to do this, I start to peel off the layers, for which has began to clothe me.  Many of the layers aren’t who we are.  Writer, designer, student, daughter…those are titles, they aren’t who we are, it’s what we do, and the roles we play, in life.  When I think of myself, I describe myself as vulnerable, difficult, and yet forgiving, impatient, love, dreamer.  When I look at my outer appearance, I see beauty, that is my own.  I see a woman, that’s showing signs of aging.  Fine lines and gray hair.  The only way to slow this process is by death, and since God continues to bless me every morning, with life, I’m embracing this privilege of maturing, with age.  I don’t want to filter my life, my appearance or my personality.  Living in pretense, has no value.  Admiring someone else, when we can’t name 5 things about ourselves, that we love, is pointless.  Like Maya Angelou said, she fears anyone that lacks a love, within themselves.  A person, who is unable to love themselves, whole heartedly, is a threat to society and to themselves.  To accomplish this, is very difficult and it’s something that you have to work hard to maintain.  The world that we live in, doesn’t allow for this process to be an easy one.  It’s plagued with images promoting beauty that is unrealistic, to obtain.  We have to be realistic, with who we are.   We were created by God, to live amongst a population of people who are unlike, anyone else.  Just like your fingerprint, you can’t be duplicated.  Now isn’t that something to celebrate!