NO EXPLANATION NEEDED

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ex·pla·na·tion
ˌekspləˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
a statement or account that makes something clear.
“the birth rate is central to any explanation of population trends”
synonyms: clarification, simplification; More
a reason or justification given for an action or belief.
“Freud tried to make sex the explanation for everything”
synonyms: account, reason; More

I’ve always had a difficult time saying no to someone and having to explain, the reason why.  The guilt of it all was so severe that I would often agree to almost anything, to avoid having to let the person down.  Last year, I began the process of putting myself first.  It’s been hard, when I’m so accustomed to putting peoples needs, in front of my own, but I knew that I had to do it, because it was killing me inside.  In the end the person was happy, and I was left feeling drained and dissatisfied.  The fact that I was hurting, allowed me to realize that I had to honor myself,  by not only saying NO, but to also not explain the reason why.

Our loved ones, know us better than anyone else, and its usually them, where we are faced with the challenge of saying, NO.  We don’t want to disappoint them and yet not honor our own time and things that we want to do for ourselves.  Looking back at the many times I’ve made sacrifices for people and the many things I’ve  neglected in my own life, made me understand how this was truly affecting my life.  When I began to put myself as a priority, I began to see results, not only physically, but emotionally.  Though they were left disappointed, what mattered was that I was left feeling relieved.  I wasn’t overwhelmed with task, obligated to situations, I had no cares for, and most importantly, I was honoring my time.  Life is so short and time is so precious.  Strategically, I plan out my day from the moment I wake up, till the end of the day.  With such a busy schedule, it doesn’t allow me much time to be off assistance to anyone, but myself.

I always say that if they love you, they will understand, but reality, it doesn’t always go that way.  There have been times when I would say NO, and the person would be more upset than I.  Hang up, stop calling and even cut off all communication, because I couldn’t help them, with what they needed.  It does sadden me that people have to resort, to such actions, but in the end, if they loved me, they would understand, and since they didn’t, the ties had to be cut.  You owe no one an explanation for why you can’t be there for them.  If you can’t say no, with them understanding, what makes you think that an explanatory statement, would make things any better.  It won’t!

 Analyze the people that you are sacrificing your time for.  Are these people doing the same for you in return?  Is this a constant reoccurrence, where you are always throwing out a lifesaver vest?  How much of your own task are you sacrificing for the sake of not disappointing people?  No means no, and no explanation is needed when doing so.  Honor your time. It’s valuable and it’s not promised. Put yourself first. When you put yourself first, you become a happy and functioning human being, to yourself and society. Say no to anything and everything, if it goes against your schedule, your beliefs, your interest, and finances.  Prioritize YOU before the needs of anyone else, if it drains, overwhelms or stifles your well being.  Doing this is not a selfish act, it’s selfless to your mind, body and soul.

LET’S MAKE IT HAPPEN

Goal

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”

                                                                                       Maya Angelou

Before the launch of a new year, I began to think of the events of 2015, and how it molded me into who I am today.  What began as a somber year, turned into a year of immense change.  Leaving my job and quitting college, without as much a plan B, took guts and it made me become more fearless.  I began to make bolder moves, and spoke openly and honestly about my thoughts and opinions on certain subject matters.  I allowed myself to love and be loved.  I allowed my mind to be open and my eyes to see, the unforeseen.  Overall, I could honestly say, that I’m proud of what I had accomplished and the decisions I made, to allow happiness and fulfillment, to replace, uncertainty and unhappiness.  I was thrilled to count down the final seconds of 2015, because I’m eager to enter a new year, the same way I ended it.  

In life, everything is unpredictable.  At times, we want so badly to win, that we often get discouraged, by our own fears.  Over the weekend, I found myself feeling down and I wasn’t sure where, the root of the issue, lied.  As I laid in bed, feeling some sort  of sadness, for the unknown, I began to look around and find some sort  of positive aspect of my life, to meditate on.  As I continuously, began to remind myself of how far I had come, I got out of bed, and began to do the work.  I picked up my scissors, and began to cut some fabric, then started to sew.  Not today, I said!  I refuse to feel sorry for myself, or make excuses.  With that being said, I began to feel better.

The thing with a new year, is that many people around you will use discouraging words, to prevent you from making a change.  Everyone is able to change, but it all lies, with you.  You can’t remain in a toxic environment, and expect, clean air.  You can’t be around negative people and expect them to support you.  You have to immerse yourself with people and an environment that depicts the life that you want.  They will encourage you, because they’ve been where you are.  They want to see you win, because they know the feeling you get, when you do.  Words hold so much power, and it can either motivate us, or deter us from fulfilling our goals.

Have small, realistic goals.  Write them down.  Create a vision board, so that it enables you to see the kind of life, that you want.  Make sacrifices!  Spend less time on social media, obsessing over gossip and the illusion of the perfect life, and start to create your own.  If your loved one, is planting seeds of doubt, take yourself away from them and don’t feel guilty for doing so.  There is nothing worse, than being around a Negative Nancy, when you are on the road to fulfilling your goals.  Pace yourself!  You have 12 months in a year, there is no need to rush.  Progress is slow and it allows you to appreciate it more.  Most importantly, do it for yourself.  I see too many people doing things to prove the “haters” wrong, when in the end, they still won’t like you, even when you’ve reached your goal.  The only person, you need to impress, is yourself.  I wish you all the best for the 2016, as we do it one obstacle at a time, and along the way, you can be sure to find words of encouragement, from yours truly, as we all move closer to our dreams!