Tag Archives: motivation

NO EXPLANATION NEEDED

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ex·pla·na·tion
ˌekspləˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
a statement or account that makes something clear.
“the birth rate is central to any explanation of population trends”
synonyms: clarification, simplification; More
a reason or justification given for an action or belief.
“Freud tried to make sex the explanation for everything”
synonyms: account, reason; More

I’ve always had a difficult time saying no to someone and having to explain, the reason why.  The guilt of it all was so severe that I would often agree to almost anything, to avoid having to let the person down.  Last year, I began the process of putting myself first.  It’s been hard, when I’m so accustomed to putting peoples needs, in front of my own, but I knew that I had to do it, because it was killing me inside.  In the end the person was happy, and I was left feeling drained and dissatisfied.  The fact that I was hurting, allowed me to realize that I had to honor myself,  by not only saying NO, but to also not explain the reason why.

Our loved ones, know us better than anyone else, and its usually them, where we are faced with the challenge of saying, NO.  We don’t want to disappoint them and yet not honor our own time and things that we want to do for ourselves.  Looking back at the many times I’ve made sacrifices for people and the many things I’ve  neglected in my own life, made me understand how this was truly affecting my life.  When I began to put myself as a priority, I began to see results, not only physically, but emotionally.  Though they were left disappointed, what mattered was that I was left feeling relieved.  I wasn’t overwhelmed with task, obligated to situations, I had no cares for, and most importantly, I was honoring my time.  Life is so short and time is so precious.  Strategically, I plan out my day from the moment I wake up, till the end of the day.  With such a busy schedule, it doesn’t allow me much time to be off assistance to anyone, but myself.

I always say that if they love you, they will understand, but reality, it doesn’t always go that way.  There have been times when I would say NO, and the person would be more upset than I.  Hang up, stop calling and even cut off all communication, because I couldn’t help them, with what they needed.  It does sadden me that people have to resort, to such actions, but in the end, if they loved me, they would understand, and since they didn’t, the ties had to be cut.  You owe no one an explanation for why you can’t be there for them.  If you can’t say no, with them understanding, what makes you think that an explanatory statement, would make things any better.  It won’t!

 Analyze the people that you are sacrificing your time for.  Are these people doing the same for you in return?  Is this a constant reoccurrence, where you are always throwing out a lifesaver vest?  How much of your own task are you sacrificing for the sake of not disappointing people?  No means no, and no explanation is needed when doing so.  Honor your time. It’s valuable and it’s not promised. Put yourself first. When you put yourself first, you become a happy and functioning human being, to yourself and society. Say no to anything and everything, if it goes against your schedule, your beliefs, your interest, and finances.  Prioritize YOU before the needs of anyone else, if it drains, overwhelms or stifles your well being.  Doing this is not a selfish act, it’s selfless to your mind, body and soul.

INSTANT GRATIFICATION

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“An attitude of gratitude, opens the portals to a richer, more abundant life”

Last week, seemed to be a non stop flow of financial worries, disappointments, and unnecessary quarrels.  Everything came all at once, or I magnified something that’s resolvable, to something that seemed to be a reoccurrence.  I began to get these intense migraine headaches.  Taking painkillers to ease the pain and help to fall asleep.  I decided at that time, to continue to read anything positive, to give me hope, in the midst of the cloudy days.  Last night, as I laid in bed, reading The Motivation Manifesto (I know I’m still reading it), I came across the chapter on “The Path of Gratitude”.  It’s not like I haven’t read testimonials on how showing gratitude, even in the midst of troubled times, can bring about joy, but I’ve never really, truly, practiced it.  In the darkness of my room, with only the reading light, to shine on the pages of the book and the pounding of the rain falling, outside my window, I began to dig deep down inside, to find anything that I was thankful for.  I referenced all of my gratitude to things that occurred, last week.

I’m thankful for this alone time, to be able to read this book

I’m thankful for this quiet time, to be able to hear the voice within

I’m thankful for my mom who gave me money, when my account was overdrawn

I’m thankful for my friend Marie, who is a constant reminder of what a friendship, truly is

I’m thankful for Marie, for getting me out the house, and paying for my lunch, when I didn’t have the money to buy my own

I’m thankful for life, because I am blessed to be alive

I’m thankful for these days of struggle, to appreciate the better days, when they come

I’m thankful for the guy in my life, who messages me good morning when he wakes up, and good night, before he goes to bed

I’m thankful for the gift of knowledge, that allows me to read, learn, and stay informed

I’m thankful for the gift of drive, that allows me to go after anything, I put my mind to

I’m thankful to Oniyah’s father, for opening up doors of opportunity for me

I’m thankful that he and I can argue and talk to one another, less than 24 hours later

I’m thankful for my daughter, who comes to me and gives me a hug, and reminds me of what unconditional love, truly is

I became so overwhelmed with emotion.  Quickly, any pain I felt, went away, allowing the flow of love and appreciation, to bring itself in.  I began to cry and couldn’t stop.  The feeling kept me awake till the early morning hours.  It’s unlike any feeling I’ve felt in a while.  It truly showed me how blessed I am.  It made me realize that when you move into a direction, of finding your personal freedom, the universe, truly does work in your favor.  Your vision becomes clearer, hurdles seem to be less strenuous, negative people disappear, making room for genuine individuals.  I now understand the power of gratitude and how it can transform an individual into truly being appreciative of the blessings, no matter how small, it may be.

WOMEN CRUSH EPIDEMIC

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“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
― Rita Mae Brown

On Wednesday’s, be sure to check out numerous postings, on your timeline, featuring #wcw, better known as Women Crush Wednesdays.  I have to admit, that I have posted my own share of #wcw postings, on my instagram, but found myself wondering why we as women, are so eager to crush on another, when so many of us, don’t even have a crush on ourselves?  Social media, has enabled us to invest hours out of our day, admiring and obsessing over friends, strangers and celebrities, but how much are we investing into our own lives?  

Within, 5 minutes of browsing, our timeline, the layers of confidence that we possessed, prior to logging on, have now been stripped away.  Confidence is replaced by feelings of unworthiness and comparison.  When I found myself, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, cause the next chick on my timeline is on a private yacht, on some caribbean island, while I’m stuck home, wondering when my next vacation is going to be, I knew it was time to take an escape, from it all.  Let’s face it, beauty (according to some) is based on followers, likes, and not to mention, money.  The amount of time that women take to get the “perfect” selfie, can be as long as 30 minutes.  Everyone is happy on Instagram.  Sadness doesn’t exist, and money is never at a low.  The perfect body is achieved by a South American plastic surgeon, and a waist trainer.  Everyone drinks slim tea in the morning, film themselves in their Benz and BMW, lip-synching to their favorite trap tune.

It’s an illusion!  And though many of us know that people are faking the funk, we still find ourselves becoming fooled by their lies.  There is nothing wrong in admiring another woman, and to acknowledge her beauty.  We need more unity, amongst women, especially in a time, when we are being taught to compete and hate, one another, but the best relationship and love we should first have, is the one with ourselves.  Through many forms of reading and consuming my time, in motivational material, I realize how important is it to spend time with ourselves.  During some of my alone time, I’m beginning to analyze myself, and magnifying things about myself that I admire and the things that I wish to change.  It isn’t easy to do so, it’s like writing a memoir on your own life.  When I begin to do this, I start to peel off the layers, for which has began to clothe me.  Many of the layers aren’t who we are.  Writer, designer, student, daughter…those are titles, they aren’t who we are, it’s what we do, and the roles we play, in life.  When I think of myself, I describe myself as vulnerable, difficult, and yet forgiving, impatient, love, dreamer.  When I look at my outer appearance, I see beauty, that is my own.  I see a woman, that’s showing signs of aging.  Fine lines and gray hair.  The only way to slow this process is by death, and since God continues to bless me every morning, with life, I’m embracing this privilege of maturing, with age.  I don’t want to filter my life, my appearance or my personality.  Living in pretense, has no value.  Admiring someone else, when we can’t name 5 things about ourselves, that we love, is pointless.  Like Maya Angelou said, she fears anyone that lacks a love, within themselves.  A person, who is unable to love themselves, whole heartedly, is a threat to society and to themselves.  To accomplish this, is very difficult and it’s something that you have to work hard to maintain.  The world that we live in, doesn’t allow for this process to be an easy one.  It’s plagued with images promoting beauty that is unrealistic, to obtain.  We have to be realistic, with who we are.   We were created by God, to live amongst a population of people who are unlike, anyone else.  Just like your fingerprint, you can’t be duplicated.  Now isn’t that something to celebrate!