Tag Archives: selfish

NO EXPLANATION NEEDED

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ex·pla·na·tion
ˌekspləˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
a statement or account that makes something clear.
“the birth rate is central to any explanation of population trends”
synonyms: clarification, simplification; More
a reason or justification given for an action or belief.
“Freud tried to make sex the explanation for everything”
synonyms: account, reason; More

I’ve always had a difficult time saying no to someone and having to explain, the reason why.  The guilt of it all was so severe that I would often agree to almost anything, to avoid having to let the person down.  Last year, I began the process of putting myself first.  It’s been hard, when I’m so accustomed to putting peoples needs, in front of my own, but I knew that I had to do it, because it was killing me inside.  In the end the person was happy, and I was left feeling drained and dissatisfied.  The fact that I was hurting, allowed me to realize that I had to honor myself,  by not only saying NO, but to also not explain the reason why.

Our loved ones, know us better than anyone else, and its usually them, where we are faced with the challenge of saying, NO.  We don’t want to disappoint them and yet not honor our own time and things that we want to do for ourselves.  Looking back at the many times I’ve made sacrifices for people and the many things I’ve  neglected in my own life, made me understand how this was truly affecting my life.  When I began to put myself as a priority, I began to see results, not only physically, but emotionally.  Though they were left disappointed, what mattered was that I was left feeling relieved.  I wasn’t overwhelmed with task, obligated to situations, I had no cares for, and most importantly, I was honoring my time.  Life is so short and time is so precious.  Strategically, I plan out my day from the moment I wake up, till the end of the day.  With such a busy schedule, it doesn’t allow me much time to be off assistance to anyone, but myself.

I always say that if they love you, they will understand, but reality, it doesn’t always go that way.  There have been times when I would say NO, and the person would be more upset than I.  Hang up, stop calling and even cut off all communication, because I couldn’t help them, with what they needed.  It does sadden me that people have to resort, to such actions, but in the end, if they loved me, they would understand, and since they didn’t, the ties had to be cut.  You owe no one an explanation for why you can’t be there for them.  If you can’t say no, with them understanding, what makes you think that an explanatory statement, would make things any better.  It won’t!

 Analyze the people that you are sacrificing your time for.  Are these people doing the same for you in return?  Is this a constant reoccurrence, where you are always throwing out a lifesaver vest?  How much of your own task are you sacrificing for the sake of not disappointing people?  No means no, and no explanation is needed when doing so.  Honor your time. It’s valuable and it’s not promised. Put yourself first. When you put yourself first, you become a happy and functioning human being, to yourself and society. Say no to anything and everything, if it goes against your schedule, your beliefs, your interest, and finances.  Prioritize YOU before the needs of anyone else, if it drains, overwhelms or stifles your well being.  Doing this is not a selfish act, it’s selfless to your mind, body and soul.